Letter #22

Dear A.,

I just got back from clubbing with my friends. I didn’t drink much, just enough to have a good time. This is so pathetic, I feel so depressed and lonely now. Damn it.

I think one of my newly met male buddies is into me — the way he danced with me and all. He’s alright but not quite my type. I do enjoy the attention and the way men make me feel feminine though. I tried picking up a few guys and getting their numbers, believe it or not, hahah! But througout all this I’ve just been thinking about you. Only you. All this doesn’t matter when I think of you. I will always continue to look forward to the day that I can be in your arms. That one fine day. That one fated day.

I must be crazy, huh?

Madly loving you,

The Girl.

Letter #21

Dear A.,

It’s like we started all over again, isn’t it? But this is a good thing. I feel like the pressure for us to be together has sort of lifted, and we’re taking it as it is. And it feels good this way. But this is all in my mind though, I’m wondering what you’re thinking. I care for you so much though.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #20

Dear A.,

I know it’s been awhile since I wrote to you, but you know that I’ve been having Internet problems. It’s a good thing that we both still communicate with each other regularly through MSN! So things are getting slightly cleared up between us, and it seems that you still have interest in me, and you even still want to meet me, so I think things are still going alright. Sometimes you can be so sweet and caring. I still like it how you remember our past conversations instead of just forgetting it like other people. I hope you care for me more than I think you do.

You might wonder why I’m still putting so much effort on you. Even though you know you’re good looking, and you know that I know you are, I hope you understand that I’m not just working so hard for you for your looks, love. Your fiery spirit still captivates me every time. I’m like a moth to your flame. I would give anything to touch you. I would to anything for you to embrace me. I want to feel the inferno inside you.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #19

Dear A.,

Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart. Hope all’s well, and today just reminds me how much I still yearn to see you in person. I wish I could give you little hugs and kisses.

Lots of love,

The Girl

xoxoxoxoxox

Letter #18

Dear A.,

I went online, and you were there. I was going out at that moment, and then you IMed me, telling me that you were bored. I had to tell you that I was going out, and that I will be away getting ready. You said okay, and then I left MSN. Funny, for the first time, it seemed easier for me to click on the close button on you. I probably needed a break from you and reassess my mind anyway, so I don’t turn this into some weird obsession. And now, it isn’t anymore. But I still think fondly of you.

I ended up not going out. My brother who was supposed to drive changed his mind. So I sat in front of the computer again, seeing that you’re online. But I didn’t change my offline status. I stayed that way. I did my other things online that I didn’t have the mood to do for the past few weeks because I was thinking too much about you, and it was obviously distracting my work.

I think the time apart between us will be good for us both. This is the test. Will you miss me more than I would miss you? Probably not, but if I ever hear the words along those lines in the next few days, then it will still be worth working for your heart.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #17

Dear A.,

Today has been confusing. First, I admitted to you that every day I don’t see you online, I’d miss you even more. All you answered was with a laugh. I needed to know how you felt, so I hinted, and you said that you do miss me too, ‘but probably not as much’. Not as much? My heart shattered a little when I read that. But I remained calm and said that I would take anything that I can get. Yeah, looking at it now, I should’ve stepped up a little, but I didn’t want to annoy you.

Next, I found out that you and a friend set me up for a lame joke because you two were bored. I would’ve been cool with the set-up but, you didn’t tell me it was a joke after the whole thing finished. You only revealed it to me when I brought the weird encounter up again today. I trusted you, so I didn’t think you’d be in on the joke as well. And you faked it all. I felt so confused as to why you two would pick me among other people. It was cool that you let me in on your next prank, but I was too confused, frustrated, and somewhat angry about the whole thing, so I didn’t join in.

I would always hear you out and lend an ear for you. So today you shared your story with me — your small problem with a girl you liked that sorta went haywire because of the girl’s obsessiveness. So, with all the stories you’ve shared with me all along, have they always been just because I am a friend who would listen? But I was always hoping because you trusted me and liked me, and in turn confided in me… something that only the both of us shared. Maybe it’s both? I am not too sure right now, my emotions are somewhat clouding my better judgement.

You only give me lukewarm responses, A. Only once in a blue moon would you humor me and say things like you wish I was there with you and all. But that only usually happens when you’re feeling particularly amourous. And still, you only say it after I prompt you to or obviously hint for you to say it.

I feel that whatever flame we might have started in the beginning has begun to burn out and turn to ashes. I am dissapointed. More so, I am sad. I don’t feel your love anymore. I am jealous of the girls that you message to and tell them that you were thinking about them. It bewilders me that they’re all slutty mid-teenagers too. They should go find boys their own age. This just confuses me more.

I have a life outside of thinking of you too, and I certainly feel more love and respect from these boys than I get from you sometimes. They call me up, meet me, and buy me drinks. They tell me I’m beautiful and sexy. And they make the effort of speaking to me by voice chat on msn and put themselves on webcams at my request even though I don’t have a cam and a mic for them to see or hear me. I know I may be starting to sound demanding, but these are just simple things to just keep our friendship (or communication, in the very least) alive. These boys are good for me, but I am still silly enough to be keeping my heart out there for only you.

I know you’ll pull through love, I’m still holding out hope for you. At least I am.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #16

Dear A.,

I’m so relieved to know that you’re alright, and that you were just out with your buddies at a beach house. God, I wish I was there! I feel much better now that I’ve spoken to you a couple of days ago. I don’t want this online relationship (whatever it is) to borderline on obsession, but I just feel better, secure, and content when I have a chat window open with you. Yeah, silly me… who would’ve thought that I’d be working so hard for a boy’s heart — online. I honestly have not imagined this. But I know it’s worth it. I already feel it.

It seems that you still pull back sometimes, but that’s just the way you are. You say you’re not a very good conversationalist, so even though what you type out might be bland sometimes, I’m beginning to know and understand how you really feel when you say it. Emoticons and speaking to you often really helps.

We’ve shared many personal things and thoughts, love. I think you did, especially. So let all inhibitions fall. I would, and will, if only you fully can. I know you’re giving me that chance I longed for, so please let the transition be easier for me. Let me see that welcome mat. I know it’s hard to show how you really feel I suppose. It’s harder for men I guess. I understand you’re somewhat shy. But knowing that you’re a little shy just makes me want to work harder for you.

I’m meeting up with a close friend later to talk about what we’re planning to do after we finish our Bachelor of Arts degree courses. I’ll be deliberating with her about moving into your state. I’m hoping to work and live there after my studies, and then continue with my post-graduation studies in your state itself. I’ve planned this even before I met you, I think, and to know that you’re there only motivates me more to make sure that this plan works. I’m excited!

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #15

Dear A.,

It’s been 3 days since I’ve last spoken to you. I’ve been thinking about you non-stop since then, and waiting online anxiously every day for you to show up. I know you go through short phases where you don’t go online, but 3 days seems like eternity to me.

Many thoughts have been going through my mind ever since. I wondered if something was wrong, if you were alright. And if you were, I wondered if you ever thought about me, or even remotely missed me at all. Because I sorely do. You don’t have to make me miss you love, because I constantly do.

On the other hand though, I am quite glad that you’re off in the real world, doing something worthwhile than just sitting in front of the computer every day speaking to me and your friends. I want you to have a life, even if that makes me long for you some more.

You told me the other day that you were kinda thinking of that girl, because she was about to go for an operation. Does your absence have something to do with it? Yes, I know I might still sound jealous. But maybe I am slightly, and worried about your safety and well-being too.

I don’t know what to think now. You still have your head right and not silly enough to entertain a girl that’s interested in you daily, online. I guess I have to learn that from you.

I cannot stop thinking about you though, and wonder where you are. I am worried.

All my love,

The Girl.

Letter #14

Dear A.,

Sweetheart, I know it’s silly, but I crave you so much right now. Every day I look forward to the day that I’ll be able to see you, face to face… in the not-so distant future.

I haven’t spoken to you all day today, and I miss you so.

Love always,

The Girl.

Letter #13

Dear A.,

Kiss me goodnight again, one more time : )

Love,

The Girl.