Letter #28

Dear A.,

The past few days have been rough and I feel foolish. Foolish for investing so much emotions in you and foolish for still hanging on to them. I just can't forget this so soon. I just don't understand why you refuse to talk to me or even give me a proper goodbye. Thanks for blocking me on msn. I found your new profile. You have new friends now. I wonder if you've blocked the other two girls you were close with too. I won't add you anymore, because you obviously want a fresh start and if you wanted me in your list you would have searched for me and re-added me. It's a little painful to know that you're online now, but that you're blocking me on msn so I can't speak to you. I've been suffering from depression. I think I just need that last message from you – a personal one – to just tell me why you're doing this and to say goodbye. I still feel like there's this hanging discomfort and confusion around the situation. I need closure. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Knife-in-heart,

The Girl. 

Letter #27

Dear A.,

Since you didn't show up I flew home today. I still don't know why you did this to me. Goodbye.

I don't know what to feel anymore,

The Girl. 

Letter #26

Dear A.,

I'm finally in your state, and I was so excited! I <i>was</i> excited, because you never picked up your phone when I called you. You didn't reply my text messages either. I thought it was because your had just got your phone after months of being without one, so you're not used to checking your phone every day. When I did text you in the past, you took about a day or two to reply, so I'm hoping this is the case and you will check your phone one of these days and call me.

On the other hand, I know you had sent a bulletin to your online friends a couple of days before I left my city, saying that you're sick of all this online crap, and you said goodbye to everyone, not to be seen online again. I didn't think much of it, because I thought we were closer than that, and you had agreed to spend a lot of time with me when I arrived, so I didn't think that bulletin applied to me. Well, does it actually?

At the moment, I'm in limbo. I'm not sure if you're actually ignoring and avoiding me or if you're just not checking your phone and have forgotten about me. In the many months that we've spoken, I believe you're not the type of guy to leave a girl hanging like that. I know you have a good head on your shoulders. I know you're more of a gentleman. I know we are much closer than that. What happened to everything we've talked about for over seven months? Even though we haven't actually met in person, we do have a good history, don't we? I believed that we'ved shared something.

I'm not in denial… I'm more in disbelief. It's not like you to do this, which is why I am still so confused about this and have mixed feelings about me not being able to contact you. I am dissapointed, angry, sad, lonely, heartbroken, confused, and worried.

Out of all this, I am still trying to enjoy myself here in a new big city. I was also supposed to be here to enjoy myself and have a good break from my studies. I don't want to waste my money flying all the way here, y'know. I'm living with these two 60-year olds that are family friends but whom I've never met before, so I'm really bored. I don't want to waste my two weeks here doing nothing. I need to meet and interact with young people, and check out the nightlife. But, the only person I really want to meet isn't answering my calls and smses. It's painful.

So I guess I'm just another online friend, huh? I'm not only back to square one, I'm beyond it. It's like the past months of knowing you and spending all the late nights with you have been an entire waste. Why?

Heartbroken,
The Girl.

Letter #25

Dear A.,

It's been a long time since I've written to you, but good thing we still communicate with every other day. I think it's good to see how things have changed and to keep things in perpective.

Well, first of all, I am EXTREMELY EXCITED about meeting you in a couple of weeks! I can't believe this myself. After pining so much to meet you, I finally took the chance at the first opportunity I saw and bought that non-refundable flight ticket! I really hope we will spend as much time as possible together when I'm there. I want you to hold me hand like you said you would, and I want to feel what a real kiss is like from you. I'm trying to get you a backstage pass for the band that you're the biggest fan of ever, and I hope I do get approved for it because I really want to see you happy!

I just can't wait!

Love,
The Girl.