Letter #29

Dear A.,

Hi again, I never thought I’d be writing another letter to you,  but this one will truly close whatever we’ve had and forgotten in memory.

I wrote and sent you a ‘Happy Birthday’ message on your birthday last year… a few months after you vanished from contact with me out of no apparent reason. Yes, I still remember your birthday even now, I don’t know why. Anyway, I was surprised that you replied, and somehow I managed to coax you into unblocking me from MSN. You were online the next day when I logged on… I always knew that you were blocking me since you’re practically on that thing 24/7.

We spoke, but it was weird. That connection we had was gone. Even our message conversations on the website was weird. You said that you’ve always had the intention of contacting me again, but didn’t know when the appropriate time was and you didn’t know how I would react. But, after a few days of akwardness, I managed to get the answer I’ve always yearned for, why you dumped men — you chickened out. Really bad.

The conversation mostly died after that, and a couple of days later I find you blocking me on MSN again. It’s okay now though, I had closure and I could move on.

In a couple of months’ time, it will be a year to that fateful day when I took all I had and flew over to see you, but you never showed up and didn’t answer my calls. Once in awhile, I would still visit your page, and see how you’re doing. I still care for you, in some way. The sad thing is that I see that you haven’t really changed. You’re still depressive and negative in many ways, and I haven’t seen any effort on your part to try to improve yourself or your relationships. You’re still the same ‘ol A.

Many things have happened and I’ve been through two relationships since then. I’m tired of searching for the right person for myself, and every time these relationships would end because they weren’t in it for the long run. I’ve made a lot of growing up too, and right now, I am generally very satisfied with myself.

Through all this, I’ve found a better, improved, and wiser form of myself. If I have to go through many hardships to find self-worth and knowledge, then I shall let it be.

Sincerely,

The Girl.

Letter #24

Dear A.,

Hello, baby. It’s been some time since I’ve gone a night without speaking to you, and yes I miss you very, very much tonight. I’m a little sad that you’re going to be away from the Internet for god knows how long. You deserve your break, you need to build your life, and keep up your health. I support you wholeheartedly in all this, but it’s only normal for me to sorely miss you after our many msn marathons.

I care for you so much. I think you know that. And I love you so much, but I am afraid to tell you this. I want to keep things at a logical pace. You’re probably not ready to hear it anyway. But somehow I think, you might know. I believe that when the time comes, you’d know that I love you with all my heart, and I wouldn’t even have to say a word for you to understand.

Since my past letters to you, things have changed so much haven’t they? You now make obvious efforts to keep me happy, and you show that you care too. I’m so grateful to have known you. I’m in love with your soul. Thank you for opening up, thank you for finally receiving me. Let’s take this slowly.

Loving you very very much,

The Girl.

Letter #23

Dear A.,

I can’t bear to be without you any longer too

Love always,

The Girl.

Letter #22

Dear A.,

I just got back from clubbing with my friends. I didn’t drink much, just enough to have a good time. This is so pathetic, I feel so depressed and lonely now. Damn it.

I think one of my newly met male buddies is into me — the way he danced with me and all. He’s alright but not quite my type. I do enjoy the attention and the way men make me feel feminine though. I tried picking up a few guys and getting their numbers, believe it or not, hahah! But througout all this I’ve just been thinking about you. Only you. All this doesn’t matter when I think of you. I will always continue to look forward to the day that I can be in your arms. That one fine day. That one fated day.

I must be crazy, huh?

Madly loving you,

The Girl.

Letter #21

Dear A.,

It’s like we started all over again, isn’t it? But this is a good thing. I feel like the pressure for us to be together has sort of lifted, and we’re taking it as it is. And it feels good this way. But this is all in my mind though, I’m wondering what you’re thinking. I care for you so much though.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #16

Dear A.,

I’m so relieved to know that you’re alright, and that you were just out with your buddies at a beach house. God, I wish I was there! I feel much better now that I’ve spoken to you a couple of days ago. I don’t want this online relationship (whatever it is) to borderline on obsession, but I just feel better, secure, and content when I have a chat window open with you. Yeah, silly me… who would’ve thought that I’d be working so hard for a boy’s heart — online. I honestly have not imagined this. But I know it’s worth it. I already feel it.

It seems that you still pull back sometimes, but that’s just the way you are. You say you’re not a very good conversationalist, so even though what you type out might be bland sometimes, I’m beginning to know and understand how you really feel when you say it. Emoticons and speaking to you often really helps.

We’ve shared many personal things and thoughts, love. I think you did, especially. So let all inhibitions fall. I would, and will, if only you fully can. I know you’re giving me that chance I longed for, so please let the transition be easier for me. Let me see that welcome mat. I know it’s hard to show how you really feel I suppose. It’s harder for men I guess. I understand you’re somewhat shy. But knowing that you’re a little shy just makes me want to work harder for you.

I’m meeting up with a close friend later to talk about what we’re planning to do after we finish our Bachelor of Arts degree courses. I’ll be deliberating with her about moving into your state. I’m hoping to work and live there after my studies, and then continue with my post-graduation studies in your state itself. I’ve planned this even before I met you, I think, and to know that you’re there only motivates me more to make sure that this plan works. I’m excited!

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #13

Dear A.,

Kiss me goodnight again, one more time : )

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #12

Dear A.,

I still cannot believe it… that you sent me those photos. I know I’m not that all innocent and I loved you for sending it, but will you write it off as just something normal a guy would do, or is it something more intimate and exclusive that you’re sharing? I feel it’s the latter, but you still think about the girl you cannot have, and you reply the other girls online in the nice way that you do. I still feel the slight competition here. And I don’t want our friendship to grow into something else because of our topics on having sex and all. I want it to be based on trust and respect, with a great intimate life together.

I know now that you have some sort of interest in me, and I am so excited! I just want to secure the feeling of exclusivity, but maybe that’s asking too much since we’re both still single individuals with the rights and freedom to play the field.

Love,

The Girl

Letter #11

Dear A.,

I love seeing you at the height of your emotions. I can feel the furious fire burning when you’re angry. I can feel so much freedom and passion when you share with me your passion of music. I can sense a lot of powerful emotions that flow within you. It makes me feel so energized and exicted. I realize that because of this you are quite volatile and may explode in rage or any emotions at any moment. But I am willing to take that chance. I love the rush I get from you, and I am patient enough to sit through your hard times beside you, without interference, since you don’t like it. I might sound silly, don’t I? But I’d give anything for you.

So, firecracker, I do hope that my online absence in the next two days will trigger some longing emotions in your heart. I wanted you leave you tonight without a goodbye, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that! Rest your fiery head in peace tonight, love. Please take care, and I hope you know that you’ll be on my mind throughout the time that I will be away. It is only my hope that you’re thinking of me as well.

Missing you much,

The Girl.

Letter #10

Dear A.,

I’m going to make you miss me, love… hehe… be prepared.
Love,

The Girl