Letter #26

Dear A.,

I'm finally in your state, and I was so excited! I <i>was</i> excited, because you never picked up your phone when I called you. You didn't reply my text messages either. I thought it was because your had just got your phone after months of being without one, so you're not used to checking your phone every day. When I did text you in the past, you took about a day or two to reply, so I'm hoping this is the case and you will check your phone one of these days and call me.

On the other hand, I know you had sent a bulletin to your online friends a couple of days before I left my city, saying that you're sick of all this online crap, and you said goodbye to everyone, not to be seen online again. I didn't think much of it, because I thought we were closer than that, and you had agreed to spend a lot of time with me when I arrived, so I didn't think that bulletin applied to me. Well, does it actually?

At the moment, I'm in limbo. I'm not sure if you're actually ignoring and avoiding me or if you're just not checking your phone and have forgotten about me. In the many months that we've spoken, I believe you're not the type of guy to leave a girl hanging like that. I know you have a good head on your shoulders. I know you're more of a gentleman. I know we are much closer than that. What happened to everything we've talked about for over seven months? Even though we haven't actually met in person, we do have a good history, don't we? I believed that we'ved shared something.

I'm not in denial… I'm more in disbelief. It's not like you to do this, which is why I am still so confused about this and have mixed feelings about me not being able to contact you. I am dissapointed, angry, sad, lonely, heartbroken, confused, and worried.

Out of all this, I am still trying to enjoy myself here in a new big city. I was also supposed to be here to enjoy myself and have a good break from my studies. I don't want to waste my money flying all the way here, y'know. I'm living with these two 60-year olds that are family friends but whom I've never met before, so I'm really bored. I don't want to waste my two weeks here doing nothing. I need to meet and interact with young people, and check out the nightlife. But, the only person I really want to meet isn't answering my calls and smses. It's painful.

So I guess I'm just another online friend, huh? I'm not only back to square one, I'm beyond it. It's like the past months of knowing you and spending all the late nights with you have been an entire waste. Why?

Heartbroken,
The Girl.

Letter #22

Dear A.,

I just got back from clubbing with my friends. I didn’t drink much, just enough to have a good time. This is so pathetic, I feel so depressed and lonely now. Damn it.

I think one of my newly met male buddies is into me — the way he danced with me and all. He’s alright but not quite my type. I do enjoy the attention and the way men make me feel feminine though. I tried picking up a few guys and getting their numbers, believe it or not, hahah! But througout all this I’ve just been thinking about you. Only you. All this doesn’t matter when I think of you. I will always continue to look forward to the day that I can be in your arms. That one fine day. That one fated day.

I must be crazy, huh?

Madly loving you,

The Girl.

Letter #17

Dear A.,

Today has been confusing. First, I admitted to you that every day I don’t see you online, I’d miss you even more. All you answered was with a laugh. I needed to know how you felt, so I hinted, and you said that you do miss me too, ‘but probably not as much’. Not as much? My heart shattered a little when I read that. But I remained calm and said that I would take anything that I can get. Yeah, looking at it now, I should’ve stepped up a little, but I didn’t want to annoy you.

Next, I found out that you and a friend set me up for a lame joke because you two were bored. I would’ve been cool with the set-up but, you didn’t tell me it was a joke after the whole thing finished. You only revealed it to me when I brought the weird encounter up again today. I trusted you, so I didn’t think you’d be in on the joke as well. And you faked it all. I felt so confused as to why you two would pick me among other people. It was cool that you let me in on your next prank, but I was too confused, frustrated, and somewhat angry about the whole thing, so I didn’t join in.

I would always hear you out and lend an ear for you. So today you shared your story with me — your small problem with a girl you liked that sorta went haywire because of the girl’s obsessiveness. So, with all the stories you’ve shared with me all along, have they always been just because I am a friend who would listen? But I was always hoping because you trusted me and liked me, and in turn confided in me… something that only the both of us shared. Maybe it’s both? I am not too sure right now, my emotions are somewhat clouding my better judgement.

You only give me lukewarm responses, A. Only once in a blue moon would you humor me and say things like you wish I was there with you and all. But that only usually happens when you’re feeling particularly amourous. And still, you only say it after I prompt you to or obviously hint for you to say it.

I feel that whatever flame we might have started in the beginning has begun to burn out and turn to ashes. I am dissapointed. More so, I am sad. I don’t feel your love anymore. I am jealous of the girls that you message to and tell them that you were thinking about them. It bewilders me that they’re all slutty mid-teenagers too. They should go find boys their own age. This just confuses me more.

I have a life outside of thinking of you too, and I certainly feel more love and respect from these boys than I get from you sometimes. They call me up, meet me, and buy me drinks. They tell me I’m beautiful and sexy. And they make the effort of speaking to me by voice chat on msn and put themselves on webcams at my request even though I don’t have a cam and a mic for them to see or hear me. I know I may be starting to sound demanding, but these are just simple things to just keep our friendship (or communication, in the very least) alive. These boys are good for me, but I am still silly enough to be keeping my heart out there for only you.

I know you’ll pull through love, I’m still holding out hope for you. At least I am.

Love,

The Girl.