Letter #19

Dear A.,

Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart. Hope all’s well, and today just reminds me how much I still yearn to see you in person. I wish I could give you little hugs and kisses.

Lots of love,

The Girl

xoxoxoxoxox

Letter #18

Dear A.,

I went online, and you were there. I was going out at that moment, and then you IMed me, telling me that you were bored. I had to tell you that I was going out, and that I will be away getting ready. You said okay, and then I left MSN. Funny, for the first time, it seemed easier for me to click on the close button on you. I probably needed a break from you and reassess my mind anyway, so I don’t turn this into some weird obsession. And now, it isn’t anymore. But I still think fondly of you.

I ended up not going out. My brother who was supposed to drive changed his mind. So I sat in front of the computer again, seeing that you’re online. But I didn’t change my offline status. I stayed that way. I did my other things online that I didn’t have the mood to do for the past few weeks because I was thinking too much about you, and it was obviously distracting my work.

I think the time apart between us will be good for us both. This is the test. Will you miss me more than I would miss you? Probably not, but if I ever hear the words along those lines in the next few days, then it will still be worth working for your heart.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #17

Dear A.,

Today has been confusing. First, I admitted to you that every day I don’t see you online, I’d miss you even more. All you answered was with a laugh. I needed to know how you felt, so I hinted, and you said that you do miss me too, ‘but probably not as much’. Not as much? My heart shattered a little when I read that. But I remained calm and said that I would take anything that I can get. Yeah, looking at it now, I should’ve stepped up a little, but I didn’t want to annoy you.

Next, I found out that you and a friend set me up for a lame joke because you two were bored. I would’ve been cool with the set-up but, you didn’t tell me it was a joke after the whole thing finished. You only revealed it to me when I brought the weird encounter up again today. I trusted you, so I didn’t think you’d be in on the joke as well. And you faked it all. I felt so confused as to why you two would pick me among other people. It was cool that you let me in on your next prank, but I was too confused, frustrated, and somewhat angry about the whole thing, so I didn’t join in.

I would always hear you out and lend an ear for you. So today you shared your story with me — your small problem with a girl you liked that sorta went haywire because of the girl’s obsessiveness. So, with all the stories you’ve shared with me all along, have they always been just because I am a friend who would listen? But I was always hoping because you trusted me and liked me, and in turn confided in me… something that only the both of us shared. Maybe it’s both? I am not too sure right now, my emotions are somewhat clouding my better judgement.

You only give me lukewarm responses, A. Only once in a blue moon would you humor me and say things like you wish I was there with you and all. But that only usually happens when you’re feeling particularly amourous. And still, you only say it after I prompt you to or obviously hint for you to say it.

I feel that whatever flame we might have started in the beginning has begun to burn out and turn to ashes. I am dissapointed. More so, I am sad. I don’t feel your love anymore. I am jealous of the girls that you message to and tell them that you were thinking about them. It bewilders me that they’re all slutty mid-teenagers too. They should go find boys their own age. This just confuses me more.

I have a life outside of thinking of you too, and I certainly feel more love and respect from these boys than I get from you sometimes. They call me up, meet me, and buy me drinks. They tell me I’m beautiful and sexy. And they make the effort of speaking to me by voice chat on msn and put themselves on webcams at my request even though I don’t have a cam and a mic for them to see or hear me. I know I may be starting to sound demanding, but these are just simple things to just keep our friendship (or communication, in the very least) alive. These boys are good for me, but I am still silly enough to be keeping my heart out there for only you.

I know you’ll pull through love, I’m still holding out hope for you. At least I am.

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #16

Dear A.,

I’m so relieved to know that you’re alright, and that you were just out with your buddies at a beach house. God, I wish I was there! I feel much better now that I’ve spoken to you a couple of days ago. I don’t want this online relationship (whatever it is) to borderline on obsession, but I just feel better, secure, and content when I have a chat window open with you. Yeah, silly me… who would’ve thought that I’d be working so hard for a boy’s heart — online. I honestly have not imagined this. But I know it’s worth it. I already feel it.

It seems that you still pull back sometimes, but that’s just the way you are. You say you’re not a very good conversationalist, so even though what you type out might be bland sometimes, I’m beginning to know and understand how you really feel when you say it. Emoticons and speaking to you often really helps.

We’ve shared many personal things and thoughts, love. I think you did, especially. So let all inhibitions fall. I would, and will, if only you fully can. I know you’re giving me that chance I longed for, so please let the transition be easier for me. Let me see that welcome mat. I know it’s hard to show how you really feel I suppose. It’s harder for men I guess. I understand you’re somewhat shy. But knowing that you’re a little shy just makes me want to work harder for you.

I’m meeting up with a close friend later to talk about what we’re planning to do after we finish our Bachelor of Arts degree courses. I’ll be deliberating with her about moving into your state. I’m hoping to work and live there after my studies, and then continue with my post-graduation studies in your state itself. I’ve planned this even before I met you, I think, and to know that you’re there only motivates me more to make sure that this plan works. I’m excited!

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #15

Dear A.,

It’s been 3 days since I’ve last spoken to you. I’ve been thinking about you non-stop since then, and waiting online anxiously every day for you to show up. I know you go through short phases where you don’t go online, but 3 days seems like eternity to me.

Many thoughts have been going through my mind ever since. I wondered if something was wrong, if you were alright. And if you were, I wondered if you ever thought about me, or even remotely missed me at all. Because I sorely do. You don’t have to make me miss you love, because I constantly do.

On the other hand though, I am quite glad that you’re off in the real world, doing something worthwhile than just sitting in front of the computer every day speaking to me and your friends. I want you to have a life, even if that makes me long for you some more.

You told me the other day that you were kinda thinking of that girl, because she was about to go for an operation. Does your absence have something to do with it? Yes, I know I might still sound jealous. But maybe I am slightly, and worried about your safety and well-being too.

I don’t know what to think now. You still have your head right and not silly enough to entertain a girl that’s interested in you daily, online. I guess I have to learn that from you.

I cannot stop thinking about you though, and wonder where you are. I am worried.

All my love,

The Girl.

Letter #14

Dear A.,

Sweetheart, I know it’s silly, but I crave you so much right now. Every day I look forward to the day that I’ll be able to see you, face to face… in the not-so distant future.

I haven’t spoken to you all day today, and I miss you so.

Love always,

The Girl.

Letter #13

Dear A.,

Kiss me goodnight again, one more time : )

Love,

The Girl.

Letter #12

Dear A.,

I still cannot believe it… that you sent me those photos. I know I’m not that all innocent and I loved you for sending it, but will you write it off as just something normal a guy would do, or is it something more intimate and exclusive that you’re sharing? I feel it’s the latter, but you still think about the girl you cannot have, and you reply the other girls online in the nice way that you do. I still feel the slight competition here. And I don’t want our friendship to grow into something else because of our topics on having sex and all. I want it to be based on trust and respect, with a great intimate life together.

I know now that you have some sort of interest in me, and I am so excited! I just want to secure the feeling of exclusivity, but maybe that’s asking too much since we’re both still single individuals with the rights and freedom to play the field.

Love,

The Girl

Letter #11

Dear A.,

I love seeing you at the height of your emotions. I can feel the furious fire burning when you’re angry. I can feel so much freedom and passion when you share with me your passion of music. I can sense a lot of powerful emotions that flow within you. It makes me feel so energized and exicted. I realize that because of this you are quite volatile and may explode in rage or any emotions at any moment. But I am willing to take that chance. I love the rush I get from you, and I am patient enough to sit through your hard times beside you, without interference, since you don’t like it. I might sound silly, don’t I? But I’d give anything for you.

So, firecracker, I do hope that my online absence in the next two days will trigger some longing emotions in your heart. I wanted you leave you tonight without a goodbye, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that! Rest your fiery head in peace tonight, love. Please take care, and I hope you know that you’ll be on my mind throughout the time that I will be away. It is only my hope that you’re thinking of me as well.

Missing you much,

The Girl.

Letter #10

Dear A.,

I’m going to make you miss me, love… hehe… be prepared.
Love,

The Girl